Rejection practice means making small, safe requests where "no" is a normal and harmless answer, so that hearing it becomes less frightening over time. The 30 ideas below are sorted from level 1 (barely scary) to level 5 (a real stretch), with a few rules that keep everything respectful. Start at level 1, do one idea a day or a few a week and rate your nervousness before and after.
The ground rules
- Ask for something where a no is easy to give. A shop, a cafe, a friend.
- Be polite. A smile and "No problem, thanks" ends every attempt well.
- Never pressure. If they say no, you say thank you and stop.
- Don't cause harm or trouble. No requests that could upset, endanger or inconvenience anyone.
- Skip risky settings. Avoid asking strangers for money, personal information or anything that may feel unsafe.
- Aim for the "no", not for the "yes". A yes is a bonus. The goal is to ask.
If you want the background, rejection therapy: meaning, how it works and examples explains the idea, and 100 days of rejection shows a long-run version. You can also use the rejection challenge generator to get a random request.
How the levels work
| Level | Feels like | Typical setting |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Barely a risk | Shops and cafes, tiny asks |
| 2 | A little awkward | Small requests to staff or strangers |
| 3 | Noticeably nervous | Requests to people you know or in groups |
| 4 | A real stretch | Direct asks with something at stake |
| 5 | Big step | Public or personal requests |
The Solo Era app uses five difficulty levels in the same spirit, with level 1 the gentlest and level 5 the biggest step. These ideas are your own list and are not from the app's mission library.
Level 1: Barely scary
1. Ask for a taste at a deli or cheese counter
Say: "Could I try a small taste of this one?" Many counters are used to the question. If they say no, that's fine. This is also a mission in the Solo Era app: "Ask for a taste at a deli or cheese counter, then buy some."
2. Ask a shop assistant where something is
Say: "Excuse me, do you know where I'd find X?" This is a normal, helpful request.
3. Ask for water with your coffee
Say: "Could I have a glass of water, please?" It's a simple request that is usually fine.
4. Ask someone to hold a door or wait a moment
Say: "Could you hold that for me, please?" A smile helps.
5. Ask a librarian how to borrow something new
Say: "I'd like to borrow X. How does that work?" The Solo Era app has a mission worded "Find the noticeboard at a community centre."
6. Ask what's good today
Say: "What do you recommend today?" in a cafe or bakery.
Level 2: A little awkward
7. Ask for a smaller portion or a swap
Say: "Could I swap the fries for a salad?" Menus often allow tweaks, and a no is easy to accept.
8. Ask for a different table
Say: "Would it be possible to sit by the window?" How to ask for a different table has phrases.
9. Ask for a recommendation from a bookseller
Say: "I liked X. Do you have something similar?"
10. Ask a stranger for the time
Say: "Excuse me, do you have the time?" Short, public and harmless.
11. Ask a stranger to take your photo
Say: "Would you mind taking a photo of me here?" How to ask a stranger to take your photo covers it.
12. Ask for a recipe or the name of a dish
Say: "This is delicious. What's it called?"
Level 3: Noticeably nervous
13. Ask a coworker to lunch
Say: "Would you like to grab lunch on Thursday?" See how to ask a coworker to lunch.
14. Ask a friend for a small favour
Say: "Could you help me with X for ten minutes?" Favours deepen friendships when asked kindly. How to ask for a favor has scripts.
15. Ask for a discount or price match
Say: "Is there any flexibility on the price?" in a safe setting. See how to ask for a discount.
16. Ask to join a group conversation
Say: "Mind if I join you?" at a casual event.
17. Ask to try on or test something
Say: "Could I test this before I buy?" in a shop where that's normal.
18. Ask for a longer deadline
Say: "Could I have until Friday?" at work or study, when the work warrants it.
Level 4: A real stretch
19. Ask for a refund or exchange
Say: "I'd like to return this, please." Keep the receipt and stay calm. How to return an item in a store has a plan.
20. Ask a neighbour for a small favour
Say: "Could you take in a parcel for me this week?" if you're already on friendly terms.
21. Ask for feedback on your work
Say: "Could you tell me one thing I could improve?"
22. Ask to join a table at a cafe
Say: "Is this seat free? Mind if I sit here?" only when the cafe is crowded and sharing is normal.
23. Ask someone to move a bag or make space
Say: "Could I sit here, please?" politely on public transport when it's appropriate.
24. Ask for an invitation
Say: "I'd love to come along to the next one, if there's space."
Level 5: Big step
25. Ask someone you like for a coffee
Say: "I'd like to get coffee with you on Saturday. Are you free?" See how to ask someone out.
26. Ask to be introduced
Say: "Would you mind introducing me to X?"
27. Ask for a raise or new responsibilities (with preparation)
Prepare reasons, choose a good moment and know you may hear no. This is a bigger life decision, so prepare properly.
28. Ask to speak first or to give a short talk
Say: "Could I say a few words at the start?" at a meeting you know well.
29. Ask a stranger at an event for a conversation
Say: "Hi, I'm new here. What brought you?"
30. Ask a group to meet again
Say: "That was fun. Shall we do it again next month?" and name a date.
How to run a practice week
| Day | Task |
|---|---|
| Mon | One level 1 idea |
| Tue | One level 1 idea |
| Wed | One level 2 idea |
| Thu | Rest or repeat the one that felt hardest |
| Fri | One level 2 idea |
| Sat | One level 3 idea if ready |
| Sun | Write down what you noticed |
Before each ask, write your predicted nervousness (1-10) and your predicted outcome. After, write what actually happened. After a week, compare predictions with results.
What to do with a "no"
Say "No problem, thank you," smile and leave. Note the number: you were rejected once and you were fine. A "no" in practice usually proves the risk is smaller than it felt. If it stings, how to handle rejection walks through the steps.
When rejection practice isn't right for you
Rejection practice is a social exercise, not therapy. It's not suited to everyone, and you can skip it if it makes you feel worse. If a no leaves you low for weeks, avoiding people or feeling hopeless, speak to a doctor or licensed therapist. findahelpline.com lists free helplines by country. Solo Era is not therapy or medical care.
In the Solo Era app, you can practise small asks in the people and everyday categories and rate your nervousness before and after. The app doesn't promise any outcome, it simply makes repeat practice easy to track.
Solo Era for iPhone
Pick your level and track the before and after
Use levels 1 to 5 to match each ask to your nerves, and see your own ratings over time. Free to download. A subscription is required to start missions.
FAQ
Is rejection practice safe?
It is when you stay polite, avoid harm and choose low-risk requests. Skip anything that could scare, annoy or burden others.
How often should I practise?
A few times a week is plenty. Short, regular practice beats a one-day marathon.
What if they say yes?
Great. Say thanks and note that your prediction was off. The goal is to ask, not to be rejected.
Do I need to ask strangers?
No. Start with shops, cafes and friends. Move to strangers when you feel ready.
What if I feel awful afterwards?
Stop and take a break. Talk to someone you trust. If strong feelings continue, a licensed therapist can help.
How is this different from rejection therapy?
It's the same idea in a gentler, structured form. The rejection therapy glossary entry gives a short definition.
Solo Era for iPhone
Try it with Solo Era
Solo Era gives you one realistic mission a week, records how nervous you felt before and after, and keeps a photo journal of what you did. An iPhone app. A subscription is required to start missions; any free trial depends on the offer and eligibility shown in the app.
