To make friends in a new country, build a few weekly routines in the same places, say yes to small invitations, and treat the language as something you practise in public rather than finish first. Friendships usually come from repeated contact with the same people, not from one great event. Plan for months, not weeks.
This page is for people who moved without a built-in network: no company onboarding, no campus, no relocation community. If you arrived through work or have expat circles nearby, how to make friends as an expat covers that route. If you are mainly new to a city rather than a country, making friends in a new city fits better.
What is different about a new country
A new city is hard. A new country adds layers that you cannot fix by being more outgoing.
- Language. Even with good vocabulary, you speak slower and with less humour than you do at home. That can make you feel like a smaller version of yourself.
- Unwritten rules. How people invite each other, how quickly a first meeting becomes a friendship, how much people share with new contacts. These vary a great deal and you cannot guess them from outside.
- Paperwork and admin. Residence, insurance, banking and registration take energy that would otherwise go into socialising. Check official government pages for the current requirements; this page does not give legal advice.
- No shared history. Nobody knows your story. That is lonely, and also a chance to start fresh.
Knowing which layer is hurting helps. If it is language, practise. If it is not knowing how invitations work, ask someone you like.
Where friendships actually start
Pick settings that give you repeated contact, a shared activity and a reason to talk that is not "so, why are you here?".
| Setting | Why it works | First-week action |
|---|---|---|
| Language class or conversation group | Everyone is a beginner at something, and you see the same faces | Sign up for a course with a regular weekly slot |
| Volunteering | A shared task takes pressure off conversation | Ask a local charity or community group what a few hours per week looks like |
| Sports or movement class | Warm-ups and breaks give natural small talk | Try one class, then go back to the same one |
| Hobby club (choir, chess, climbing, board games) | Repetition and common interest | Visit twice before deciding |
| Library or community centre events | Low cost, often multilingual or beginner friendly | Check the notice board or website for the programme |
| Your building, street or local cafe | Familiarity builds over weeks | Greet people, learn names, be a regular |
| Religious or cultural associations | Ready-made community, often welcoming to newcomers | Attend one gathering if it fits you |
You do not need all of these. Two or three weekly anchors, kept up, beat ten one-off visits. Where to meet friends as an adult lists more ideas, and friend groups and clubs explains how to join one without feeling like an outsider.
Make the language work for you
You do not have to reach fluency before you start. Some habits make beginner level a feature rather than a barrier.
- Announce your level once. "I am still learning, please correct me" signals that you are open, and many people respond warmly.
- Learn five social phrases first, not five hundred words: how to greet, how to ask someone to repeat, "how do you say this?", "could we go slower?", "thank you, that helped".
- Ask for the word. "What do you call this?" is a perfectly good conversation starter at a market stall or a class.
- Practise where mistakes are cheap. Shops, cafes and classes are more forgiving than the first dinner invitation.
- Use your own language as an asset. A tandem arrangement where you teach your language in exchange for theirs gives both sides a reason to meet regularly.
Do not take slow replies or repeated questions as a sign people dislike you. They are working in a second language, or yours.
Say yes to the small stuff
In many places, friendship begins with tiny invitations: a coffee after class, a walk, a drink after the club. Say yes to the first few, even when you are tired. Later you can choose.
If you want to extend an invitation yourself, keep it short and specific. Scripts you can adapt:
- After a class: "I'm going to grab a coffee, would you like to join?"
- After a few meetings: "I enjoy talking to you. Would you like to do something outside of [the club] sometime?"
- If you are unsure about local customs: "I'm not sure how this usually works here. Would it be strange to invite you to lunch?" Honest questions tend to get kind answers.
For more phrasing, how to invite someone to hang out has examples, and how to make small talk covers openers that work across cultures.
Mix your circles on purpose
Many newcomers end up in one of two bubbles: only people from home, or only locals. Both are fine, but a blend helps.
- People from your home country give you comfort, shared jokes and practical tips. They can also keep you from using the local language, so cap it at one or two meetups a week if you want to integrate.
- Other newcomers are usually open to friendship because they are in the same boat. They also tend to move on, so treat those friendships as valuable now, not a long-term plan.
- Locals take more time, but they carry the knowledge, history and long-term stability you will want later.
A 90-day plan to adapt
Adjust the pace to your life. This is a frame, not a rule.
Weeks 1 to 2: settle and observe.
- Set up the basics you need (check official government and municipal pages for what applies to you).
- Walk the same loop each day and notice the same cafe, shop and park.
- Pick two possible weekly anchors.
Weeks 3 to 6: commit to a rhythm.
- Join your anchors and attend every week, even if the first few feel flat.
- Learn three names. Use them.
- Say yes to one small invitation per week.
Weeks 7 to 10: deepen.
- Invite one person to something outside the shared setting.
- Ask one question that goes slightly beyond small talk: what brought them here, what they do on weekends, what they would recommend.
- Keep a note of what people tell you so you can ask again.
Weeks 11 to 13: review.
- Which anchor gave you the best contact? Do more of that, drop the rest.
- Write down who you could call for a coffee. If the list is shorter than you hoped, that is normal for three months.
When it feels heavy
Moving countries often brings homesickness, tiredness and a sense of not belonging. Those feelings are common. If you feel low for long stretches, find it hard to do everyday things, or your sleep and appetite change, talk to a doctor or a licensed therapist; many have services in several languages. This page is general information, not medical advice. If you ever feel unsafe or in crisis, findahelpline.com lists free, confidential helplines by country.
Staying connected with people at home helps too. How to stay in touch with friends and maintaining a long distance friendship give rhythms that fit different time zones.
Practise the small steps first
Doing things alone in a place where you do not know the rules is a skill you can practise. Solo Era is an iPhone app with weekly missions in categories such as everyday and people, a before-and-after nervousness rating and a photo journal. One example people-category mission is "Ask a stranger for directions even if you know the way." That kind of small, repeatable step fits the first weeks in a new country. Solo Era is not a meet-people app and does not match you with others; it helps you practise the habit of going out and talking.
Solo Era for iPhone
Get comfortable with the first small step
Try a weekly mission, rate your nervousness before and after, and keep a photo journal of your first months. Free to download. A subscription is required to start missions.
For the practical first month, see moving abroad alone and finding local services.
FAQ
How long does it take to make friends in a new country?
It varies, and there is no reliable timeline. Many people find that real friendships take months of repeated contact. Give a setting at least a season before judging it.
Do I need to speak the language to make friends?
Not fully. Basic phrases and a willingness to be corrected go a long way, and classes or tandem partners help you improve. Some friendships begin in a shared second language.
Should I only befriend people from my home country?
You can start there for comfort, but add other circles over time. Local contacts help with language and daily life, and mixed groups tend to be more stable.
What if people seem polite but never invite me?
Customs differ. In some places invitations come later than you expect. Try inviting someone yourself with a simple, specific plan and see how they respond.
How do I cope with loneliness when I first arrive?
Keep routines (daily walk, regular cafe), call someone from home on a fixed day, and attend one weekly activity. If the loneliness feels overwhelming, speak to a professional.
Can I make friends without an employer or university?
Yes. Classes, volunteering, clubs, libraries and your neighbourhood all give you repeated contact. They take a bit more initiative than a workplace, but they work.
Solo Era for iPhone
Try it with Solo Era
Solo Era gives you one realistic mission a week, records how nervous you felt before and after, and keeps a photo journal of what you did. An iPhone app. A subscription is required to start missions; any free trial depends on the offer and eligibility shown in the app.
