To make friends as an expat, join one or two weekly activities, take a language class, say yes to invitations in your first months and mix international groups with local ones. It usually takes longer than you expect, so build routines that put you around the same people repeatedly.
What makes it hard
When you move abroad, you lose your usual social setting in one step: friends, family, familiar places and often your language. You start from zero while handling paperwork, work and housing. It is normal to feel tired, homesick and lonely in the first months.
Other expats may come and go, which can make friendships feel temporary. Locals may already have full social lives. None of this means you are doing it wrong. It means you need a plan.
Step 1: Set up routines in the first weeks
Routine gives you a base to meet people from. Within your first few weeks:
- Find a cafe or spot you return to weekly.
- Pick a gym, class or club.
- Choose one day for a regular activity, such as a market or a run.
- Call home at set times so you stay connected.
New city checklist can help you with the practical side of settling in.
Step 2: Join repeating activities
One-off events are fun but rarely lead to friendships. Regular groups do. Good options include:
| Activity | Why it works |
|---|---|
| Language class | Everyone is in the same position |
| Sports team or run club | Weekly contact, shared goal |
| Hobby class | Conversation arises naturally |
| Volunteering | Common purpose |
| Religious or cultural communities | Shared values |
| Coworking space | Daily contact if you work remotely |
| Parent groups | If you have children |
Aim for two weekly commitments for the first three months. See where to meet friends as an adult and friend groups and clubs for more.
Step 3: Learn the language
Even basic words change how people respond to you. Take a class, use an app, practise in shops and at markets. Ask people to correct you kindly. Language classes are doubly useful: you meet people at a similar stage and you practise real conversations. Be patient with yourself; mistakes are part of learning, and most people appreciate the effort.
Step 4: Mix expat and local circles
Both have benefits.
Expat circles:
- Quick connection and understanding of your situation.
- Practical tips on bureaucracy, housing and healthcare.
- Higher turnover, so friendships may be short.
Local circles:
- Deeper cultural knowledge and long-term ties.
- Slower to build; more language needed.
- Often found through clubs, neighbourhood groups and work.
Use expat groups for early support and local clubs for lasting roots. If you plan to stay for years, invest in local friendships early.
Step 5: Say yes, then follow up
In the first six months, say yes to most invitations, even when you are tired. After an event, follow up within a day or two: "Great to meet you. Would you like to grab a coffee next week?" Concrete invitations are easier to accept than vague ones. How to invite someone to hang out has wording for this, and acquaintance to friend explains how to deepen contact.
Step 6: Understand cultural differences
Social customs vary. In some places, friendships form quickly and invitations are casual. In others, people take time, plan ahead and keep home and work life apart. Observe, ask questions and avoid judging. Ask a local colleague or neighbour how people usually make plans and what is polite. Curiosity is your best tool.
Step 7: Use work and neighbours
Colleagues can introduce you to their social circles. Join lunches, after-work gatherings and company events. Neighbours can become friends too: introduce yourself, bring a small gift at holidays or ask for local recommendations. See make friends at work for ideas.
Step 8: Keep home connections without living there
Stay in touch with friends and family back home, but avoid spending all your free time online with them. A weekly video call, a shared photo album and a planned visit are enough to stay close while still building a new life. If calls leave you more homesick, adjust the rhythm.
Looking after your wellbeing
Moving countries is a big transition. Expect ups and downs. Look after the basics: sleep, food, exercise and daylight. Allow yourself time to adjust. If sadness or loneliness feels heavy and lasts, speak to a doctor or therapist, many of whom offer sessions in several languages or online. This page is general information, not medical advice. How to stop feeling lonely has more practical steps.
Practise doing things alone
Building a life abroad involves many solo moments: eating out, exploring, running errands. Getting comfortable with these makes the first months easier and gives you confidence to invite others. Solo Era is an iPhone app that helps you practise small solo outings with weekly missions, before-and-after nervousness ratings and a photo journal. It is free to download, and a subscription is required to start missions. Things to do alone in a new city has ideas for your first weeks.
Solo Era for iPhone
Try it with Solo Era
Solo Era gives you one realistic mission a week, records how nervous you felt before and after, and keeps a photo journal of what you did. An iPhone app. A subscription is required to start missions; any free trial depends on the offer and eligibility shown in the app.
A 90-day plan
| Weeks | Focus |
|---|---|
| 1-2 | Settle, find a regular cafe, join one class |
| 3-6 | Attend weekly, learn names, accept invitations |
| 7-10 | Follow up, suggest coffee or a walk, add a second activity |
| 11-13 | Invite two people to something, review what works |
Common expat friendship mistakes
- Waiting to feel settled before socialising. Settling happens through socialising, not before it.
- Only seeing people from your home country. It is comforting, but limits your world.
- Giving up after a few events. Friendships need repetition, not one try.
- Comparing with your old social life. Your old friendships took years to build.
- Being too available to everyone. Choose a few people to invest in.
- Judging the culture too quickly. Different does not mean worse.
Making and keeping friends when others move on
Expat communities have high turnover. Friends relocate, contracts end and groups change. That can feel like losing people again and again. Treat it as part of the landscape: stay in touch with those who leave, keep making new contacts and invest in a few people who plan to stay. A farewell dinner, a monthly call or a visit later turns a short stay into a lasting friendship. Keep a core of relationships that are not tied to one address.
FAQ
How long does it take to make friends as an expat?
Often several months to a year. Weekly activities speed it up.
Should I only befriend other expats?
No. A mix is best. Expats help early, locals provide long-term roots.
What if I do not speak the language?
Start with international groups and take language classes. Basic phrases help immediately.
How do I handle homesickness?
Keep routines, stay in touch with home in moderation and build new connections.
What if I feel lonely for a long time?
Speak to someone you trust or a professional. Loneliness is common among expats.
Solo Era for iPhone
Try it with Solo Era
Solo Era gives you one realistic mission a week, records how nervous you felt before and after, and keeps a photo journal of what you did. An iPhone app. A subscription is required to start missions; any free trial depends on the offer and eligibility shown in the app.
