To find like-minded people, work out what you actually care about, then go where people who care about it gather in person, at the same time each week. Start with one specific interest, not a vague "my kind of people". Three low-risk places (a class or workshop, a topic-based group and a volunteer project) cover most interests.
Start with what "like-minded" means to you
People mean different things by it. Pick the one that matters most right now:
| You want people who... | What it looks like | Where to look first |
|---|---|---|
| Share an activity | Climb, cook, game, hike | Clubs and classes |
| Share a topic | Politics, history, film, science | Talks, discussion groups, book clubs |
| Share a stage of life | New parents, career changers, empty nesters | Local groups for that stage |
| Share values | Environment, faith, community | Volunteer projects, community groups |
| Share a way of being | Quiet, curious, creative | Smaller workshops and slow-paced meet-ups |
Most people want a mix. Choose one column to begin with so your search is specific.
The interest-mapping worksheet
Take ten minutes and answer the following. Write by hand or in a note.
1. Things I lose track of time doing: (three to five items)
2. Topics I could talk about for an hour: (three items)
3. Things I did at 12 years old that I loved and stopped: (one to three items)
4. Things I'd like to learn: (one to three items)
5. What kind of room feels best? Circle: hands-on / discussion / outdoors / quiet / lively
6. Time I can give each week: (hours and weekdays)
Now narrow down. Circle the three items that appear most often across answers. Those are your search topics. Example: if "bird watching," "photography" and "being outside" appear, your topics might be "birdwatching group," "photography walk" and "nature volunteering".
Our guide on how to find a new hobby can help if the worksheet leaves you with blanks.
Three low-risk places to start
Low risk means: public, structured, easy to leave and with a built-in reason to talk.
1. A class or workshop
Courses have a start date, a teacher and a shared task, so nobody has to invent conversation. They also last several weeks, which gives you repetition. Examples: pottery, a language class, coding, life drawing, a cooking class. Check the organiser's own page for dates, level and cost. Ask at the first session if there is a tea break and stay for it. If cooking appeals, how to go to a cooking class alone covers the first night.
2. A topic group
These are groups organised around a subject rather than a skill: book clubs, history societies, board game nights, astronomy clubs, film clubs, philosophy cafes. Look at library noticeboards, community-centre listings and the group's own pages. For a game-focused one, see how to find a board game group. For books, how to find a book club.
3. A volunteer project
Volunteering puts you beside people who share a value and gives you a task, so conversations come easily. Pick a recurring role (for example, a weekly shift) over a one-off day. Many organisations list roles on their own websites. Ask what a typical first shift involves.
If you prefer starting online, see how to make friends online, then aim to move to in-person meet-ups.
How to tell if the people are "your people"
After three or four sessions, check:
- You feel more like yourself after, not less.
- Conversations go somewhere (not just small talk) at least sometimes.
- People ask you questions, and you ask them.
- There are no demands to be someone you are not.
- You look forward to the next time.
A mismatch is common and doesn't mean something is wrong with you or with them. Try a different group.
Scripts for meeting people who share your interest
Opening: "What got you into this?" Finding common ground: "Have you read/seen/tried X? I've been meaning to." Showing interest: "How do you usually go about it?" Following up: "I'm going to X on Saturday if you'd like to come along." Joining a chat: "Do you mind if I jump in? I overheard you mention X." (more in how to join a conversation)
Questions about why people care about something are usually where connection happens. Asking "what do you like about it?" tells you both whether you are like-minded.
Weekly plan for the first month
| Week | Action |
|---|---|
| 1 | Fill in the worksheet, pick three search topics |
| 2 | Find one class, one topic group and one volunteer option in each; check official pages |
| 3 | Attend the first session of the best fit |
| 4 | Attend again, stay for the social part, learn two names |
After the month, drop what doesn't fit and keep what does. For a more thorough method, our 8-week test for hobby groups explains how to score a group.
What if no one around seems like you?
If your interest is niche or your area is small, widen the search:
- Look at the nearest city or regional events.
- Join online communities and then arrange to meet locally.
- Start your own small group: a monthly meet-up with one topic. Ask the library or a cafe if they have space.
- Remember that "like-minded" can be partial. People who share one thing with you can still become good friends.
More on options in where to meet friends as an adult and clubs and groups that make friendship easy.
Practising the first step
Walking into a room full of strangers is the hardest bit. In Solo Era, the people category has a level 3 mission, "Go to a local astronomy club's indoor talk.", which is an example of going to a topic group alone. You can rate how nervous you feel before and after, and the journal shows how it went. The app does not connect you with people.
Solo Era for iPhone
Try one topic-group visit alone
Solo Era is an iPhone app for practising things alone. Choose a mission, rate how nervous you feel before and after, and keep notes in your journal. It is not a meet-people app. Free to download. A subscription is required to start missions. Prices and any free trial are shown in the app and depend on the offer and eligibility.
FAQ
Is it normal to feel like no one gets me?
Many people feel that at times, especially after a move or life change. It often eases once you find a setting built around something you care about. If the feeling is heavy or constant, a doctor or licensed therapist can help.
Should I look for people like me or people different from me?
Both can work. Shared interests make it easy to begin. Differences can make friendships richer once you are comfortable.
How many groups should I try?
Two or three, for several weeks each. Fewer visits make it hard to judge.
What if I am too shy to start?
Pick a setting with a task (class, volunteering) so you have something to do and talk about. Prepare one opening line and one question in advance.
Can I find like-minded people online first?
Yes. Online can be a good start for niche interests. Aim to meet in person when it feels right, in a public place.
Solo Era for iPhone
Try it with Solo Era
Solo Era gives you one realistic mission a week, records how nervous you felt before and after, and keeps a photo journal of what you did. An iPhone app. A subscription is required to start missions; any free trial depends on the offer and eligibility shown in the app.
